It's been a while – six months to be exact – since I last wrote anything for my blog. Since I have written anything at all, actually, besides professional emails and monthly business reports. It's not because I've had less time or became lazy, it's a conscious choice I made to take a break. I've even posted less frequently on Facebook, but what's published there is another issue altogether.
The world, and my world, have changed dramatically in the last six months. Let me break it down for you:
October 2016: I celebrated five years with my now fiancé , who proposed to me two weeks later on my birthday weekend. I have few words that will do justice to that moment, so as corny as it sounds, I'll just say it was magical. Without a doubt, October 2016 was the best month of my life thus far. I was on an emotional high into November...
November 2016: I submitted my ballot in "the most important election of my lifetime," which my dad calls every Presidential election. This time, I felt the impact and truth of those words as I witnessed friends and family completely unraveling around me, and relationships taking dramatic and unfortunate turns from the polarizing effects of this historical event. The next day I crashed my car - the one I had just paid off after four years and had resolved myself to keeping awhile in light of this – on the way to a meeting with a headhunter, a conversation I wasn't even sure I wanted to be having. If you believe in signs, this sure felt like one. It appeared that the universe was holding up a giant red flag, or perhaps I needed to hold up a white one. I guess it was a little of both, in hindsight. November 2016 was one of the most confusing months of my life thus far, but I carried on with my usual cautious optimism.
December 2016 through January 2017: Most people I know were just as thrilled as I was to bid adieu to 2016. It was a HARD year. But as excited as I was to move into 2017, I felt trepidation. There were weekly highs and lows generated from life-changing conversations. December was basically decisions and doubt – set on repeat. In two short months I had gone from girlfriend to future wife, crashed a car and bought a new one, quit the job I loved and was comfortable in for nearly five years, and got a new one of those, too. The new year was bringing a new life and I had chosen it, although in many moments it felt as though I was just along for the ride in a butterfly effect.
It tends to be that only in momentous life transitions do we actually pause and take notice of the shifts happening around us and within us. Even less frequently do we create energy from those shifts and turn them into constructive action. Or in my case, inaction (which was an action in itself). In this recent personal evolution amidst major changes I was making directly and indirectly, I discovered freedom and possibility in hitting the "Reset" button. Do you remember the summer between middle school and high school? I think for many of us, it was a pivotal moment where we got to decide who we wanted to be next. You could leave one school an unfashionable dork or a band geek and show up reinvented as the jock, the rebel, or the hot chick. Pick your favorite flavor of Breakfast Club characters. This transition felt like that... except it wasn't about choosing who I wanted to become, but rather about accepting who I already was, and honoring this woman.
I've said "Yes" to every opportunity and obligation my whole life. And if I said no, it was out of necessity and wrapped in immense guilt because I'm a people-pleaser at my core. In many ways "Yes" is how I got to where I am, and I am grateful. But I decided in my recent evolution that 2017 is my year of "No." I've always had the right to say it, but now I've developed confidence and peace of mind around the concept. You have to say no to some things, even some people, in order to say yes to others. It's about balance and happiness, and I've realized that if I'm going to truly emphasize these in my life, I need to evaluate, set and commit to my priorities.
I've focused my attention this year on my home life and new job, and my energy is directed toward fewer but more significant activities and relationships. Writing is an interest and a creative outlet, not an obligation – and I want it to remain as such. So I'm okay with the fact that I've let it take the back burner. I'm also not one to speak for the sake of speaking, or write for the sake of writing, and have been contemplating my "why" in this area as I continue to evolve my content and voice. As I resume this endeavor - frequently or infrequently - I hope you'll continue and enjoy the journey with me.